How to Speak Up with Confidence – The C.L.E.A.R. Way

Do you ever hold back from saying what you really think or need because you don’t want to upset someone?

This quick guide will help you speak up clearly and kindly — without guilt or conflict.

The C.L.E.A.R. Way to Communicate

1. CL — Clarify what happened

Describe the behavior and observable facts, as if a video camera had recorded them.

- Example: “You said you would come at 3pm and arrived at 4:10pm.”
- Avoid accusations, exaggerations, or judgments.

Not helpful: “You’re always late — you just don’t care about me.”

2. E — Express the emotional cost

Share your genuine emotions, simply and directly. Stick with basic emotions.

Example: “I felt worried and frustrated.”
Avoid “fake feelings” — thoughts, accusations or judgments disguised as emotions.

Not helpful: “I felt abandoned” or “I feel you’re selfish.”

3. AR — Ask for a new Response

Be specific about what behavior or change you’d like next time.

Example: “I’d appreciate it if you could text me if you’ll be late.”
Avoid vague or passive aggressive statements.

Not helpful: I just want you to respect my time. Our workplace would be better if we weren’t late .

Try C.L.E.A.R.: Clarify, Express, Ask for a new Response — a grounded way to stay honest, kind, and effective in difficult conversations. Next time you feel stuck or unheard, pause and walk through these three steps. You’ll feel more in control — and your relationships will grow stronger.

Keep in Mind

- Speaking up helps others understand what you feel and want. It’s not rude to share.
- You are a reasonable person, your feelings are valid and you deserve to speak up.
- People are not mindreaders and respect clarity over wild guesses.
- Sometimes you may get a defensive reaction at first, and it is best seen as a form of coping. It does not mean that you said or did anything wrong. People may need time to adjust and think about what you said.

Print/Download

Page updated

Google Sites

Report abuse